Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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