if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
