The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
