she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
