im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
