yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
