You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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