right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
