Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
