True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize