oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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