Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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