i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
