I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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