Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
