I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
