I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize