Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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