I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
