i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
