my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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