I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
