I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
