I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
