I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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