She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
