You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
