so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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