It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
