If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
