He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
