she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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