I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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