dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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