i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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