it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
