How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
