You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
