i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
