Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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