You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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