I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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