so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
