you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize