my phone needs a breathalizer
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
