I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
