i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
