Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
