Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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