When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I sprained my soul last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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