I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
