my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize