LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
