im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
