Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
