I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
