Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
