my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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