I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
