if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bring me that man meat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
