the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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