So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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