We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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