True but thats because hes a fetus.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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