can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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