God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
